There is no agreement amongst child psychologists, psychiatrists and other experts on how to be the perfect parent. ( That of course, does not mean some do not write books about what to do to be a good parent). Each person, being infant to old age is different! Therefore, with the intentions of being a good parent, anxiety and stress can be promoted in the developing youngster and extend into their adulthood from traumatic experiences in their childhood. This is labeled Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE). This can happen for many reasons to a child too often without the parent (s) awareness or intention:
- abused physically, even if it is minor like grabbing; or verbally.
- Parents that are separated or divorced
- Alcoholism or drugs used by parents
- depressed parents or suicidal parent
- the child feeling inadequate when watching a loved one be abused
- being different and not understood, for ex: a child with ADHD
- Excessive arguing especially if there is shouting in the child’ ambience
- In other words anything that threatens a child’s security
As an holistic physician and spending a lot of time with each patient I finally learned that what pushes one persons buttons, the same action might not affect another. For instance, a person sitting across from me may be telling me something that they believe is causing them stress; while I am sitting there thinking silently what is the big deal about that event. But if they heard what I would claim causes my stress they may think “Big deal.” Each individual has their own buttons that sets off their stress, anger, and anxiety. Any button pushed for an individual can set off their “flight of fight” cortisol and adrenal hormones. This is true with children and especially teenagers. We read more and more about teenage depression and increasing suicides and especially indulging in drugs.
If it is a constant button pushing stimulus even youngsters can end up with Adrenal Fatigue or one or more illnesses as discussed in earlier chapters. But I have also found within myself and clients it can be a one time act or past experience that for some of us ruminates into adulthood and even older age. Of course, once we realize the buttons that do not have to be pushed anymore there are many ways to erase them. For me, and many of my clients this was via hypnosis, self-hypnosis, and different types of guiding imagery. All the latter with a qualified expert that is compassionate and certainly non-judgmental. We learn quickly that we do not need the childhood experience as a teenager nor adult. Some things can even be erased using hypnosis until the individual is ready to deal with the issue.
As is true with most of us it is a lesson to be learned with aging not to judge others by our own philosophies, political feelings, economic perceptions,etc and then projecting them onto anther individual or group. We all have our own agendas which should not be projected to others. And even these agendas often change with age – we do not have to be stagnant as our knowledge and experiences develop. This can also fit into the stress releasing act of not having expectations. Expectations can often be disappointing but goals and hopes can help us grow.